Gaming

I exchanged a new but misbehaving Xbox 360 for a new one, and discovered that my Xbox Live Arcade games that I’d purchased before were not playable offline, even though I was able to download them again for freee.

I’ve spent countless hours and 15+ calls on the phone with Xbox Live representatives speaking all forms of English to finally earn a refund on some purchases I made before I exchanged my temperamental Xbox 360 for a tamed one. From what I understand on other online forums, this will also be necessary for those of you upgrading to an 360 Elite, but I cannot currently verify this.

- Gather up your receipts. You need a copy of your first purchase (an exchange receipt will do, if applicable), and your receipt for your new purchase (Elite, or other Xbox 360 unit). If you don’t have these, most big-name stores can provide you with a replacement copy, but it make take some time. If the guy at the store gives you trouble, call their Customer Service line. It may not be necessary to provide a receipt for your previous unit if upgrading to an Elite, call 1-800-4MY-XBOX to be certain.

- Make a new Silver Xbox Live capable account. This is the account that will be credited the refund. Why a silver acount? Only they know. I understand that they have to credit the account, to prevent you from selling the codes on ebay, but why they can’t credit the same account that you made the purchases from is a deep secret that only Microsoft knows. I would guess this as something to do with giving that Live account ‘ownership’ of your console on Xbox Live.

- Call 1-800-4MY-XBOX, say Xbox Live, Xbox 360, then ‘Operator’ to be connected to a representative. Max is a nice guy, but he can’t help you with this one. Explain to the representative your problem, that you purchased these games on a different Xbox console, and even though you were able to download the games again for free, you are not able to play them offline. They will tell you to do the rest of the things on this list. Make sure you get a case number. When they ask you to make a new Silver Xbox Live acount, give them the gamertag of the one you’ve just created.

- Fax your receipts to 1-877-557-8408. Make sure your name, phone number, and case number are clearly legible. It’s easiest to take a photocopy of the receipts and then write your info on the photocopy, and then fax it.

- Wait. It should only take a few days, but call back after a week if you haven’t heard anything. A supervisor *should* call you to verify the transfer. Make sure you complain to the supervisor about how much a pain in the ass this process is. Somewhere in Microsoft’s systems is information such as the serial number (or SOME unique unite identifier) of your first unit, the serial number you purchased your games from, and the serial numbers of the units you have been logging in from. The only reason it’s a pain in the ass is to make people spend more money and reduce refunds. If Microsoft gave their representatives access to this information, it would make the process much more reasonable.

Post your feedback below if you’ve had to do this.

Warning: linked videos may contain potentially disturbing scenes.

When you go into a game store, on the face of every game cover, poster, and on the pages of game ads is a rating of the game. That rating was put in place by people working out of an office in New York. By their own judgments and measurements, they decide who the game is most likely to be appropriate for. However, there are several problems with the way their current system works:

It revolves around money - The industry as a whole is deathly afraid of the ‘Adults Only’ tag. Games rated AO are not found on store shelves, anywhere. This encourages developers of highly violent or controversial games to be dishonest, if they feel their game is going to get the AO stamp. After all, getting an AO tag means no shelf space, and thus leads to lower sales.

It revolves around age - While I’m sure everyone would agree with me that average 10 year olds should not be playing Grand Theft Auto, it stands to reason that there are some 14 year olds who are mature enough to play, as well as there being some 20 year olds who are not able to reasonably handle the experience. The system uses age as a ‘guide’, but I have a problem again with the AO rating. What exactly can the average 17 year old not handle that 18 year olds can?

Granted, our entire society grants certain privileges at particular ages. Driving, voting, cigarettes and alcohol all require us to be of a certain measured ripeness. The difference is that all of the above either significantly affect others or are a serious hazard to your physical development, backed up with medical proof. Despite what Jack Thompson and those in line with him have to say, there is no proof of harm directly from games.

The ESRB is woefully understaffed for the process - The ESRB does not play through every game that comes through their door. A majority of the ratings are from screenshots, gameplay videos, and even trailers. Before you think too much about whether this is effective or not, lets take a look at one game I have always had a problem with the rating of: Manhunt.

First, lets look at the trailer made for Manhunt 2 (I am unable to locate a trailer for Manhunt 1):

http://youtube.com/watch?v=J5VGtncbvY4

Now, lets look at a game play video made by a fan of Manhunt:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=w7ZYrs0vS1g

Very different, would you agree? Now, this is not to say that the ESRB gave Manhunt a ‘mature’ rating based on the gameplay trailer. I’m hoping they were more involved than that. However, if Manhunt does not “include prolonged scenes of intense violence,” (from the definition of the Adults Only rating) I don’t think I want to see what does.

It is inconsistent - Let’s look at the games that have qualified (from Wikipedia–I’ve added publishing years where I could) for the AO rating:

* All Nude Cyber (Mac, PC) - Strong Sexual Content
* All Nude Glamour (Mac, PC) - Strong Sexual Content
* All Nude Nikki (Mac, PC) - Strong Sexual Content
* Body Language (DVD) - Strong Sexual Content
* Critical Point (PC) - Strong Sexual Content, Violence - 1998
* Crystal Fantasy (Mac, PC) - Strong Sexual Content
* Cyber Photographer (Mac, PC) - Strong Sexual Content
* Fahrenheit: Indigo Prophecy Director’s Cut (PC) - Blood, Nudity, Strong Language, Strong Sexual Content, Use of Drugs and Alcohol, Violence - 2005
* Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (PC, PS2, Xbox) - Originally received an M rating; however, the rating was changed to AO (with the “Nudity” descriptor added) several months after its release due to the Hot Coffee mod. Afterward a newer version (labeled “Second Edition”) was released on all three systems. This version had the content removed and are now rated M. - 2004
* The Joy of Sex (CD-i) - Strong Sexual Content - 1996
* Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude Uncut and Uncensored (PC) - Mature Humor, Nudity, Strong Language, Strong Sexual Content, Use of Alcohol - 2004
* Lula 3D (PC) - Blood, Nudity, Strong Language, Strong Sexual Content, Violence - 2005
* Peak Entertainment Casinos (PC) - Gambling
* Playboy Screensaver: The Women Of Playboy (Mac) - Mature Sexual Themes
* Playboy the Mansion: Private Party (PC) - Nudity, Strong Sexual Content
* Riana Rouge (Mac, PC) - Realistic Blood and Gore, Strong Sexual Themes - 1997
* Singles: Flirt Up Your Life (PC) - Nudity, Strong Sexual Content - 2004
* Snow Drop (PC) - Strong Sexual Content - 2001
* Thrill Kill (PlayStation) (Cancelled) - Animated Blood and Gore, Animated Violence, Strong Sexual, Mature Sexual Themes
* Tokimeki Check in! (PC) - Strong Sexual Content - 2001
* Water Closet: The Forbidden Chamber (PC) - Strong Sexual Content - 2001
* WET - The Sexy Empire (PC) - Strong Sexual Content - 1998
* X-Change (PC) - Strong Sexual Content - 2001

Not surprisingly, there is not much information about these games. Even tracking down the year of their publication is difficult. Assuming that “The Joy of Sex” was the first ‘game’ to ever get the rating, that is only 23 games in 11 years, or about two a year. Many of these titles have had sequels that opt-out of ESRB rating, and it’s no wonder, given the Industry’s cold-shoulder to the AO rating. Why pay money to be cast into shadow?

Only one of these games has ever been rated AO strictly for violence (Interestingly, on ESRB.org, it is listed as ‘Animated Blood and Gore, Animated Violence’, while the back of the box-that-never-was also includes ‘Mature Sexual Themes’), and despite its cancellation, still saw public release in the form of Internet leaks. Below is a link to game play footage of Thrill Kill on GameTrailers.com:

http://www.gametrailers.com/player.php?id=10073&pl=game&type=wmv

Keep in mind that Thrill Kill was set to be released in a post Mortal Kombat and Postal, but pre-GTA3 world. The game is little more than a beefed up four player Mortal Kombat with a twist of sexual… themes. I’m not saying the game does not deserve the AO rating–quite the contrary–I’m saying it was a good precedent that the ESRB was not able to maintain.

But how do we fix it?

This is a hot issue, after the ‘Hot Coffee’ incident (I refuse to call it a scandal). It is the best example of ‘too many cooks in the kitchen’ that I can think of. Legislatures, parents, and even gamers all want to stir the soup to make sure it comes out how they want it. Here are the main points that I see are problems:

The system is not trustworthy - Since the ratings tend to fluctuate, some of the parents that actually do use the system don’t trust it. It needs to reach MPAA rating credibility. It needs to document its decisions and justify them. It needs either more clear-cut rules or it needs to firmly stand by its existing rules. The AO rating should not be a nail in a coffin. It needs to exist, because there is a very real difference in the violence contained within Quake and the violence in Postal. Those are two different worlds of experiences that cannot possibly fit under the same classification.

Developers do not support it - Every game that is sold in a retail store has the ESRB logo on it; the publishers pay the money to get it rated, and off it goes. However, when a game like GTA comes under fire for being too violent, the developers and other creative team members are nowhere to be found. They duck their head, count their money, and wait for the storm to blow over. They need to stand behind their work. Developers should be allowed to make any game they can dream up, even if the context goes far beyond the morality of the general public, so long as they are willing to stand behind their product. You need to justify why the game exists, and why it deserves the rating it has received. Super Columbine Massacre RPG is a fantastic game. It draws on emotions, it creates discussions, it gets attention. But most importantly, the guy behind the game defends it. He explains why he made it, what his goals where, and I challenge anyone disgusted with the game’s existence to not feel a little enlightened by how he justifies himself.

Parents don’t use it - This is the only problem I see that will likely ‘fix itself’. As gamers grow up to be parents, most of us know what we’re getting into with games. We understand that just because it’s a video game doesn’t mean it’s for little Sally to play. The misconception of ‘games are for kids’ will be shed as our generation gets older. We understand that it is important to be proactive about this, to be actively engaged in what our children are experiencing.

The ESRB does a great job given their current state. However, it has proven itself to be quite a fallible system. It needs to branch out and really kick itself in the butt and get serious. It needs the industry’s support to do this. Developers and gamers alike need to really throw their support behind the ESRB, and critique them when we feel they are wrong. We need to show the industry that there is a demand for games with the AO rating, because the games they sell us now basically are AO games. It they take the Wal-Mart road and refuse to stock it, we’ll buy it elsewhere. Digital distribution and the increase of broadband in the homes makes this concern almost moot. If you make it, and we want it, we’ll get it if you make it easy enough.

Chris Hecker was quoted in a GDC session as calling the Nintendo Wii “a piece of shit” while pointing out their lack of support in the ‘games as a legitimate artform’ area.

I have a few problems with this.

First of all, the gaming industry is struggling with itself pretty hard right now. I would tend to liken this current phase as a ‘puberty’ of sorts, game developers being the students of a junior high/high school. The industry has in years past been a calm, simple, and fun industry. Much like a well behaved ten year old boy, it does what it needs to and pretty much keeps its nose clean. Cue the mid-late 90’s transition with the appearance of games like Grand Theft Auto, Mortal Kombat and Blood. These types of games are reflective of a ‘young teenage’ industry’s fascination with violence and gore. In the early 00’s, indie games begin to make a strong appearance (punk students). Games in general begin to significantly branch out more (artsy students), while there is still a surge of the ‘jock’ first person shooters, and the ‘bandwagoners’ that will make whatever type of game is currently hip. Right now I see the industry as that odd age of fifteen, where it’s currently demanding to be taken seriously (like an adult!) but still can’t shake its juvenile ways.

Chris Hecker’s statements symbolize this current phase perfectly. He demands that everyone view his work as ‘art’ and lays out an almost revengeful, completely unnecessary insult at the same time.

Encouraging Nintendo to aid the industry in this ‘games are art’ movement–which I whole-heartedly agree with–was a good move. However, calling the Wii “two GameCubes haphazardly stuck together with duct tape” at the same time was not only unprofessional and juvenile, but really was a bullet in his own foot. He did not have enough confidence that his real point would get heard, and used a very low brow attack to ensure the spotlight found him. Because of this, he managed to get his very important primary point lost in the headlines. Instead of “Spore Developer Challenges Nintendo to Support the Industry”, the headlines read “Spore Developer blasts the Wii.” Which one sounds like a more interesting read? In either case, is it even really news that the Wii doesn’t have ‘next gen’ graphics? Nintendo has been quite open about this.

As all of us eighteen-and-over know, puberty can be a very awkward time. The gaming industry is trying to establish itself among music and movies, valued entertainment devices able to produce wonderfully epic experiences, despite some questionable content. To be respected, it needs to show the same maturity that movies and music are able to show. We need to sit down with people like Chris Hecker and say what my parents told me at fifteen: “If you want to be treated like an adult, you need to act like an adult.”

A couple of years ago, I signed up for an online game. My boys were very excited about the prospects of playing a game where they can interact with other people. Toontown, is a game where players create their own cartoon character and play along with other toons, to defeat evil Cog robots. The Cogs, who have no sense of humor, can be destroyed by devices such as pies, horns, water gags, etc. Every toon character works toward advance training, in order to carry bigger and better gags, and to increase their laugh limit, so they can fight Cogs for longer periods of time. Toons are given up to four toon tasks they can work on at their own pace. Once they are complete, you are rewarded for your efforts, and given more toon tasks to work on.

The other benefits of this game, is toon characters can now have their own home, which they can decorate as they wish by purchasing furniture through a catalogue, garden in their backyard, have a pet called a Doodle, fish for exotic species in the ponds, play fun games for jellybeans, (which are used to purchase items), and race on Goofy’s Speedway. Since becoming a member of Toontown a few years ago, I have noticed they are always improving this site by adding new areas, games, and other challenges, making this online experience always new and exciting. Another feature which appeals to me, is the fact the site is user friendly and safe. You as a toon can interact with other players, but only by purchasing sayings from the catalogue, or by the phrases every toon has access to.

Toontown has something for everyone, no matter what your age. So what are you waiting for? Check it out at: www.toontown.com

You knew this day would come — the day when Sony would drop the bomb that would blast you right to your local Target at 5am on a Sunday to wait in line with everyone else, foaming to get a PS3…

…And then you wake up in a cold sweat, laugh it off, and roll back over into a blissful sleep. You know that if you really wanted a PS3, you could waltz up to any electronics retailer and pluck one off the shelf. You don’t even need anyone to unlock a display case for you anymore.

But why is that? Because no one wants one? Because no one can afford it? Because Sony’s tireless machines have been churning the systems out at an astonishlingy fast rate?

I wrote not long ago about what Sony needed to do to move consoles. I stated what is obvious to any console launch veteran; they needed a fresh ‘killer app’. Something that commanded a purchase and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Boy was that naive of me. All Sony needed to do was just believe.

Jack Tretton is quoted in this article as saying a few things we might consider to be… entirely off base. Here’s a few of the gems:

April or May is when we feel like we’re going to catch up to demand and have product fully in stock across North America and stay there.

What? Hasn’t it been shown (via alternate Sony crazyness) that the PS3 is quite well stocked?

“Our goal is to fill shelves across the United States. Our goal is not to have empty shelves, it’s to have full shelves.”

Sounds to me like that goal is already achieved. It all reminds me of a joke I used tell my girlfriend whenever I accomplished some mediocre feat, “If you set your sights low, it’s easy to impress yourself.” You can put a product on shelves all day long, but it’s not going to do you any good unless that product is being snatched off those shelves. However, I’m sure fully stocked shelves makes someone, somewhere look good. I can’t help but picture some Sony District Manager pointing to his idiotic superior saying “See! I got us fully stocked up! Just like I told you I would!”

Other good quotes in the article come from Jeremy Dunham, who is the editor of the Playstation section at IGN:

“The PS3’s biggest opponent right now is itself. It’s really just competing against its own PR.”

This is absolutely true. Sony built up such a massive mountain of expectation, it’s no wonder they having trouble even getting started.

“The PS3’s problem right now is there have been a lot of broken promises.”

This is my favorite quote from the article. The one bit of fact I can come up with off hand that Sony has been truthful about is that the PS3 is expensive. “So expensive that not everyone can afford one.” Nearly everything else I can recall Sony saying about the PS3 hardware has either been purposefuly vague, a manipulation of facts, or an outright lie. Sony’s comments have become the latest gamer water cooler joke. “Hey did you hear what Phil Harrison said this time?” Even some of my non-gamer friends laughed at these latest comments. It is indeed that bad.

So we’ve been trained to not believe what Sony says. Sony has wounded us time and time again, and now like a 9 year old trying to lie his way out of trouble, they insist that the reason PS3s are all over store shelves is because they are doing such a good job.

All we can do is roll our eyes, laugh, and wonder when they are going to learn their lesson. They need now, more than ever, to stop prentending. The Playstation brand is a strong one; however even the best built house needs maintenance, and Sony has had nothing but neglect and denial for the Playstation house. They need to acknowledge their errors, cut the crap and start playing hardball. They aren’t in their lofty, untouchable PS2 throne anymore.

The newest game release for Playstation 2, is American Idol. I purchased this game a few days ago, and have to admit it’s a bit addicting. The game much like the actual TV show, has the judges; Simon of course who is the toughest to please. The game consists of 40 popular songs to sing. If you want to join the American Idol competition, you can create your own character and dress them up to suit your tastes. You can play with 2-8 people, or against computer players. I haven’t tried playing against other people yet, but know from competing with the computer players, that it’s challenging and very enjoyable.

As you progress in the game, you open up new characters, clothing, and accessories. By unlocking platinum, gold, and diamond records, videos from the American Idol show, and trophies, are opened. The crowd cheers you as you sing, allowing the contestant to know how they are doing. Much like a karaoke machine, the words appear on the bottom of the screen, with the actual singer accompanying you with the song.

Aside from the American Idol competition, there are other added features to the game. There is a karaoke mode, where you sing on stage in a variety of different settings, one or two mic parties, medley, and KR Challenge, where people go head to head for the ultimate karaoke championship. An eyetoy can also be used with this game.

The American Idol game has many options for the adventurous singer. The added special features, allows for hours of entertainment and challenges. I would highly recommend this game.

Many avid gamers I’m sure are already aware, but I was a late comer to the game. I only purchased an Xbox 360 about a month ago, after my previous Xbox (with no live account) died, and I was extremely desperate to play some Fable. Needless to say that at this point, I’m very impressed with the service, and will likely pay for the Gold service after my free month expires.

Mainly, for the demos. A healthy portion of the games released on Xbox 360 have a demo available on Xbox Live. You can bet any current title worth any merit will have a demo posted here. There are demos of some older games, in case you’re like me and getting on the bandwagon late. They even download at a very respectable clip. This is my biggest kudo to give to the Xbox: this entire process is very fast, and pretty streamlined. While I wish the system would understand that when I am browsing the list of demos currently available online, my intent is to download these demos; I can understand the marketing value behind directing me to the fact that there are plenty of other things to download for the full version, at a price. You can queue up a handful of demos, and the system will sit there and churn through them while you play your purchased titles. When they are completed the system will notify you in-game that your download is finished, via an unobtrusive message. Surprisingly, there is no ‘install’, or even an ‘unpacking’ process to wait through. Perhaps it is masked by the last 5% of the download or something; all I know is that it hits 100%, and you can play. Immediately. Deleting is the same way. While I’m positive there is some process the system does when you select delete, there’s no ‘please wait…’. It all just happens.

There is also a myriad of Xbox Live Arcade games available, and I find myself spending far more money here than I originally intended to. There is a great combination of old classics ala Ms PacMan and SuperSmash TV and excellent new games, namely Geometry Wars and Lumines (Cloning Clyde is a game that is taking more of my time lately, it is destined to be a best seller as well). There are demos of each of the Xbox Live Arcade games, and the system works just as fluidly here as anywhere else.

The best part of Xbox Live is the GamerTag. If you’ve read my previous post about What the Wii Does Wrong, you’ll already know that I love this feature. Your GamerTag is your Xbox Live identity. This account has everything from your credit card (for buying Microsoft Points for purchases) to your achievements and friends list tied to it. Here’s a breakdown of what your GamerTag represents:

Reputation: The most useful listing, and the first thing you see past the avatar. When you play online with someone, they have the option to rate you at the end as to whether they would play with you again or not. These rankings make up your reputation. The higher the reputation, the more people are likely to play with you. The lower your reputation, the fewer friends you’ll likely find online.

Gamerscore: This basically represents the number of achievements you have managed to unlock. The higher the score, the more you’ve earned. Basically the epeen side of Xbox Live. Starting today, Microsoft is hosting a challenge to Xbox Live gamers everywhere to drive up their Gamerscore points to earn prizes. This of course is a boon for Microsoft, with each game maxing out at 1,000 achievement points allowed (200 for Xbox Live Arcade games), and the big prize this time around going for an increase of 1,500, it will move some titles. Whether that movement is a rent or a purchase remains to be seen, but you can bet there will be some money spent. This is the first contest like this announced, but they have not been shy about hinting that there will be more.

Zone: This is your declaration of your ‘hardcore’ness, if I may use the phrase. This is probably the second most useful listing. If you’re looking for someone to run through Chapter 4 of Gears of War on Hardcore difficulty, someone with a zone ranking of ‘family’ may or may not be up to the challenge. You can bet that someone with ‘Pro’ or ‘Underground’ zone setting would love to take it on.

Recently Played Games: Below all that you can see what games the person has played recently. It shows you what games your friends are currently into. I’ve used this to help me decide which game to buy. If one of the titles I’m torn between shows up on my friend’s recently played games list more than the other, I’m more likely to buy that one.

You can also log into xboxlive.com and compare your Gamerscore to any of your friend’s at any time. This helps you zone in on the achievements that your friends have yet are eluding you.

The entire Xbox Live experience is very polished. It makes you feel like it’s always been an integral part of console gaming, and actually creates quite a void in the shadow of the other consoles. It really surprised me how mature the service is, and how substantial a Gold account is. Microsoft has learned a lot from the Xbox and have established a very firm foot hold. Xbox Live has become true milestone in console gaming.

I don’t want one yet, you likely don’t want one yet, and even the scalpers on eBay don’t want one anymore. It has some pretty big hurtles it will need to leap over including the current drought of quality games, exclusives jumping ship for greener pastures, high price tag, etc. Anyone will tell you that [X] should have been done different, and thus today’s [Y] would be a prettier picture for the PS3. However, the Playstation 3 is not dead in the starting gate.

The Xbox 360 is of course the current king of the playground. Having the year head start mixed with it’s very successful Xbox Live service had really given the Xbox 360 time to nest at the top. Being a powerhouse all its own, many of Sony’s slippery exclusives are finding themselves spilling onto this console for more exposure, and more profit.

The Wii obviously has the spot light in the consumer’s eye. It is tapping into a market previous console systems have ignored. Being used on such widely viewed programs such as The Colbert Report and Late Night with Conan O’Brian well definitely get your foot in the door of America. If the Wii can keep up its current sales trend, it will soon be rival to the Xbox 360 at the top of the mountain.

However, the power of the Playstation brand is a tremendous one. It sold over one hundred and ten million units last ‘generation’. That is nearly the same as if you combine the sales of the Gameboy Advance (all models), the Gamecube, and the Xbox units (~122.31 Million, according to Wikipedia’s numbers). That’s not a presence that can be shooed away, nor does that make you a mere bump in the road along to success. The Playstation brand is a wall that must be scaled. If the current sales lull is anything at all, it’s only a missing peice about halfway up that you can sneak though. Eventually it will get fixed.

The only real questions is how soon will it get fixed, and will it matter once it is?

The only thing that will plug that hole–the only thing–is good, new games. I don’t mean a new Grand Theft Auto, Halo, or Metal Gear Solid. I mean a new Katamari Damacy, its own Hotel Dusk: Room 215, a Guitar Hero. I mean a game that is fresh, and exciting enough to get people talking. Something they absolutely cannot experience anywhere else. This is far more important than an exclusive established franchise.

Think about your most enjoyable moments in gaming. Chances are they are playing a game that surprised you. Franchises can surprise you with things like plot twists or sudden actions, but no sequel to even the best franchise will ever compare to the magic I felt when I first understood the the marriage of game play and music in Rez, or just how fun it is to roll a soccer team up into a ball in Katamari Damacy. That is not an experience easily replicated, which is why the PS3 is in the state it is in. Sony and its second party studios need to get creative.

It is also important to maintain a wide range of ports, as well. After all, if I own a PS3, and can play Grand Theft Auto on it, that’s one less reason for me to look into buying an Xbox 360, and that’s another point Sony needs to make, though I don’t foresee much trouble there.

I’m not discounting the power of established franchises, either. Metal Gear Solid and Gran Turismo will definitely push some units once released for PS3. However I know what I’m getting with Metal Gear Solid and Gran Turismo, and I know that I can get pretty similar experiences elsewhere. Sony needs a game that wakes me up to the world of the PS3, one that forcibly removes my wallet and demands to be purchased; and they need it soon.

Well, not too soon. It would work best if it was after payday.

I love the Wii. All my friends who don’t already have one want one, my mom bought one for each of her employees for Christmas, and it is the first game console that my girlfriend actually wants to play with me. It is an amazing and truly ground breaking console. However, like all things, it is not perfect. Here are a few things I think are unnecessarily flawed about it.

The Controller:

* Battery Life - The wavebird was a milestone in wireless gaming. It had efficient battery life, an excellent ‘feel’ to most hands, and was so well balanced you didn’t even notice it had batteries in it. What an amazing disappointment the Wii remote is in this regard. It can’t even dream of touching the wavebird’s 100+ hour fame without chewing through multiple ‘A’s worth of juice. Nintendo refusing to make a rechargeable battery pack for it makes even less sense. I honestly feel like Kutaragi has put some hex on my Sony rechargeable batteries that will make them affect my Wii experience. Thank god he was promoted before mine were purchased.
* Texture - The primary difference between the Wii remote and Soap-on-a-rope is that the Wii remote is not intended to be used in the shower. Something as simple as a cheap rubberized grip is probably all that was ever needed to qualm these ‘flung remote’ stories. Granted, I have to give kudos to Nintendo for giving me straps that don’t look and feel like it came with a ‘my little pony’ (I’m looking at you, PSP) but in all honesty it should never come down to the strap. Give me something to hold on to. After all, real tennis rackets have grips, my virtual one should too.

Sensor Bar:

* The Wire - My Wii travels a lot. Every time I pack it up I am afraid I’m going to break the wire coming off the sensor bar as I wrap it up. This wire is so cheap MacGuiver wouldn’t even be able to make use of it. You’re fine with me throwing away money for my remote batteries, why not let me burn cash for sensor bar batteries. Thankfully hackers as well as a third party company have made this a reality, but it should have been available from the get-go.
* The Plug - So the crappy wire that it does have only transmits power, not any type of signal to the device. Why can’t I plug this sensor bar straight into a power outlet? I understand my needs may not fit into ‘the norm’, but I game on a projector, 15 feet in front of where my Wii sits. As long as the sensor bar cable is, it would be unrealistic for me to expect to be able to plug this in to the Wii and still mount 15 feet away, and 8 feet higher than the Wii itself is. Sell me an adapter to let me plug into an outlet, Nintendo. I beg of you!

Online experience:

* Speed - Wow is this ever slow. When I fire up Firefox, I don’t look at an animated Firefox logo for 15 seconds. I look at Google. Loaded. Yes, that quickly. My cell phone can load up this blog before my Wii can pull up the main store’s web site, and that’s on Cingular’s slow EDGE network. I understand you’re new at this online thing, Nintendo, but get with it already. Remind me that I’m on 8MB cable.
* No GamerTags - I admit when Xbox Live first had the ‘gamertag’ feature where you could see which of your friends was playing what game, and what they had accomplished in that game, I thought it was pretty stupid. However, while playing Twighlight Princess on the Wii, I can’t begin to tell you how many times I wondered how far my friends were. Had he found all the bugs? Did he beat the Sky dungeon yet? Let me look that up, since we’ve gone to all the trouble of exchanging friend codes.
* Friend Code Exchange - This is insanely difficult. I’m reminded of making an Access List for a router when I am forced to use these, only I can’t use an ‘any’ in place of a host. Nintendo should have blatantly ripped this one from Microsoft’s book. “This person wants to be your friend, do you accept? Yes/No” If you’re that concerned about children being stalked online, make it part of the Parental System lock-down that only someone with the code can accept friend applications. While I’m at it, why does it take so long for my Wii to realize that my brother has added my code? Is there some archaic rule akin to my bank’s “after business hours transaction” stipulation?

At this point, I have a question, and you can see where a rant would fit in if the answer to this question is ‘no’. When I send my Mii to my brother’s Wii, does it continually update my Mii’s stats? If I play nothing but boxing for two weeks and get ‘pro’ status, does my Mii on his system reflect that change? What about if I play with my Mii while at his house, will the new bowling record I set be transfered to my system? If not, it damn well should.

Overall console experience:

* No Calibration - This is not as big of a deal to me now that I understand how the sensor bar works, and have a healthy few months of Wii gaming under my belt, but I’m still going to include it, dammit. I should be able to calibrate my Wii remote to suite my wants in terms of sensitivity. I think Quake III spoiled me. I could have my exact desire in that game. Not 4, not 4.2, but 4.325 was my magic sensitivity. Let me set my preferences to aiming the bow in Zelda. How can you expect me to be a master surgeon when I can’t make the moves on the screen happen precisely as I want them to?
* Resolution - I sometimes regret having purchased the component cables for the Wii, because Twighlight Princess actually manages to look worse on my screen with them. This is the case on the projector as well as on my 23″ LCD. Perhaps on an EDTV it would look nicer, but for now I’m content with using the component cables on the standard resolution. At least then the colors are a little brighter, and it’s blurry enough I don’t see jaggies.
* Virtual Console Emulator - While I’m on the topic of displays, my next beef is on how the console treats games you have downloaded. The Wii knows that I am using a wide screen television. I told it so myself. It also should know that Mario 64 is not a wide screen game. How about you give me a standard aspect ratio instead of stretching Mario out? Kudos for up-scaling the 64 game to 480p, however.
* Lack of Wavebird Support - Thankfully I can use my wavebird in gamecube games, and some games in the virtual console. Problem is I want to be able to use it to browse the online store and the Wii menu. It would have really been awesome for the Wii not not require the adapters in the gamecube ports for the wavebirds, but I know that is a complete pipedream.

Overall the Wii is a smashing success. These were just the main points that have annoyed me, and I’m sure others in its early life. Some of these could be fixed with software updates, and others I’ll just have to deal with.